Reasons My Son Cries

I've been meaning to post this for a while. My wee man Benny is a sensitive little soul and cries for pretty much any reason. So I've decided to list some of those reasons here, it's by no means a complete list and isn't in any particular order. I hope to update it from time to time. Let us begin:

• The lions are coming!
• I'm awake!
• I'm still fucking awake!
• Why am I awake?!
• Why haven't you put me to sleep yet?!
• You're trying to get me to sleep!
• I fell asleep for a moment!
• You don't have boobs!
• Where are the boobs?
• You're not my Mum!
• I'm hungry!
• I'm tired!
• I'm covered in shit!
• I'm covered in barf!
• You're squeezing me too tight!
• You aren't squeezing me tight enough!
• Something loud happened!
• I gotta burp/fart/crap/barf!
• No really, the lions are coming!!
• I'm not screwing around, I really heard the lions this time!
• Stranger!
• Why is this strange person pinching me!
• Elderly person!
• You picked my boogers!
• My teeth hurt!
• You gave me medication for my teeth!
• No one has cuddled me for more than 2 minutes?! I need attention.
• Why aren't you looking at me?!
• Just fucking with ya, I'm not really upset.